Let’s talk anxiety. Woot! Ha, not.
I figure I need to be real and as raw as much as possible with my readers. So this is the first of I am sure many posts that are almost diary-like posts.
Anxiety is something that apparently I have had for a long ass time. It was finally brought to my attention recently while speaking with my awesome counselor. Once she told me it was like all the puzzle pieces of my life came together. I am not talking like the just tiny anxiety that essentially everyone has, but, the panic attacks, racing and debilitating thoughts, the black outs for weeks sort of anxiety.
THE SHIT IS SCARY! It is dangerous. All through my life I have had these moments of chest tightening, shortness of breath, moments of doom just over the smallest stuff. Or maybe not small but all the small stuff on top of the big stuff that I can’t control. How did I not know what was happening all those years. I remember very specific times as a teenager my freak outs were out of no where, for no true reason. Those were panic attacks. Not just hormonal bull shit that I was constantly told it was. Yea I am sure a small amount of it was but not all of them and not as intense.
More recently I went through a period where I woke up and honestly didn’t know what happened the past few weeks. I know I got up and went to work, cooked for Josh, went for hikes. Did all the normal things. But I wasn’t present. I was somewhere else. I went through all the motions of my every day life but small things were off. Like I just couldn’t remember things, I would forget what I was talking about mid sentence. One day I woke and called Josh stating that I had no idea what really happened over the past few weeks. One of the main things really being my best friends wedding. I remember some moments but not the moments that I should have. That is what eventually made me go talk to someone. I have now got a grip on how to deal with things.
Some of the warning signs that I have found in myself is:
- racing thoughts
- thoughts of doom, thinking the worst
- mind going blank
- unable to concentrate
There are also a ton of physical symptoms that anxiety can cause. It can really take a toll on your whole well being. It is not something that should be ignored. It is serious and is often linked with depression.
Check out more information here. I am definitely not a doctor but it is always a good idea to be well educated on the subject if it is something you are dealing with.
It seems out of all the coping mechanisms my counselor has told me to do when I feel intense anxiety, the one that works best, is to concentrate on my five senses. What are you seeing? Smelling? Feeling? etc. It brings you back to being present. In the moment instead of the future.
I am doing ten times better. Of course it is something that I will always struggle with, I feel like I will always have these intense emotions that I have to keep together. But managing them is what it is all about.